Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
