I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
