My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Found the puke drawer
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
