I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
