I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
