I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
