I wish I could teleport
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Randomize
