You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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