Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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