I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
