You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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