C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
