Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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