The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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