All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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