it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
