People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
