Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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