And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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