____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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