hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My ass is underappreciated
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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