It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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