you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
