Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
