She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My liver just had a heart attack.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
