i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
