I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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