Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
