he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
