i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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