Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
