You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
smell my finger.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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