awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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