Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
