It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
