Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I cut my penus on the lid.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
