Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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