During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Randomize
