The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
