Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
