She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
