we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
