the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so let's talk penis.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
