My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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