i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
