he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Ladies don't puke and tell
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
