Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
