We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
