Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
