Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
