once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
