I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
