On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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